Life seems okay right now

I don't think I am one of the easiest people to live with. And I am much more difficult to love. I'm likable, that I have no doubt of, but I think it's hard to love me. I certainly tend to make it hard for the people I care about. But then, I come out on the other side, and I just know that the love is true, and it's there to stay.

 

There's no particular incident that I can think of now to properly describe what I mean, it's just something that I was pondering about the other day. The mere fact that The Dad still stuck around after one of many outbursts of late goes beyond me. I like my life to be just so. I need to know what's happening so I can organize it into my little compartments in my head so I know what's happening. I would like to know prior to or, at the very latest before I close my eyes, what is happening the next day so I can plan my day step by step and know in which order things are happening and more or less when they will happen. I don't need to know minute-by-minute, but something like, in the morning we are doing this, then we are going to do that, then we are going here etc.

 

So, The Dad, when you throw a spanner into the works, it really screws me up and that will put me, in the very least, a foul mood for the rest of the day. When I've planned to go to the shops, then to my folks to drop Boobah off for Nannie Nap Over Saturday and then to a friend or whatever, don't, I repeat, DO NOT quite nonchalantly inform me that we have to stop at YOUR folks for insert-some-feeble-excuse-here. Firstly, I spend 5 out of 7 days of the week there for an hour, minimum. That in itself is not the problem. But given prior incidents and your fathers' general demeanour it doesn't make for a pleasant visit every time. Then, on a weekend when there's been time to drink, he takes a turn for the worse and that makes it even MORE unpleasant! And besides this, we are now grown up; we have moved out, we have a family of our own! I certainly do not want to be spending each and every waking moment with your family anymore.

 

But, we have spoken about this and come to a compromise. If and when you need to see your father over a weekend (other than it being a special occasion like a birthday or the like), you shall go to them by yourself. Boobah and I will either stay at home, be at Nannie's, the shops, my friend or anywhere else that does not involve having to see them. However much I love your folks, that doesn't necessarily mean I always like them, and you know how I feel about your fathers' SMS (Small Man Syndrome) insecurities. I can't always deal with that, and nor do I feel I have to. I am not a child anymore and refuse to be spoken to or treated as one.

 

However, I would like to state here, that I appreciate the fact that we had the discussion we did on Friday afternoon. I am glad that you let me tell you all that was bothering me, and that you then decided to step up to the plate, and be the MAN we know you are and can be. Thank you for being mature enough to understand what I was saying and to realise the mistakes you were making with regards to our relationship. This just proves to me, and to everyone who doubted our relationship, that we are able to work together and overcome anything that threatens our life together. Thank you for admitting you were wrong about certain things. I realise that it was difficult, as being a Leo myself I also fully believe that I am never wrong.

 

I am not saying, and I said it then too, that I never make mistakes, and that I am never wrong, but Friday night it wasn't about what I'm doing wrong. It was about you needing to decide what big of a role I play, and will continue to portray in your life in future. Do you want me to stick around and be there? Because if you do, things will have to change. You will have to stop being such a daddy's boy and become the man of the house. You need to ensure that we are provided for before your own needs, and I will do exactly the same. It's not about you and me, yours and mine anymore. It's now US and OURS.

 

Now I would like to thank you. I had a wonderful weekend with you. I am glad you were home for a change. I miss you when you're not there. And even though we live together, we've reached that phase in our relationship where we live past each other. I see you, you see me, but nothing meaningful happens. But since Friday, a lot feels like it has changed. We actually had a conversation last night about something other than what Boobah is doing or who's going to change him and who's going to make the bottle. It was fun. I enjoyed that a whole lot. And thank you. It really feels as if you do care about me and what I have to say and my feelings, because you took it to heart and made a visible effort. It makes me fall in love with you all over again.

 

And lastly, thank you for last night. For growing the balls to actually stand up for me against your father. I'm glad the skille finally fell from your eyes and that you saw, I am not always talking bullshit, and I'm not constantly looking for a fight, or looking for something to blame your father for and that he, too, can be wrong and mean. Thank you for realising that.

 

I love you, The Dad.

 

-XXX-