An Unfortunate event, but an easy decision

Recently, there happened to be an interesting blog post on JoziKids, written by the lovely Laura-Kim about Children and funerals and whether you'd take your child to one. At the time, I read it, took note and then didn't think much of it again, because we weren't planning any deaths in our family (I know, I know, it's not really something that can be planned). That was, until Sunday afternoon.

At about 6 o'clock in the evening, The Dad received a phone call from one of his uncles, informing him that another one of his uncles had passed away earlier that day. This had come as a shock to The Dad, because this particular uncle had been the epitome of a healthy lifestyle. He never smoked, hardly drank, had been eating steamed food (for the health benefits) for the last 3 or 4 years and had been exceptionally fit, as he'd been training for the 94.7 Cycle Challenge. The family all rushed to the home his aunt and uncle had shared during their 35 year marriage, leaving Boobah and myself at home. I didn't feel it was appropriate to go, because I didn't really know the man and he had never even seen my son. Also, I felt that all attention should be bestowed upon the grieving family, and not on a mother entertaining/scolding/shushing/laughing with her son, because his behavior required any of the aforementioned.

Then, last night and this morning, I had asked Boobahs' granddad and grandma if any details for the funeral had been finalized. I would like to know when it is going to be held, so that I can make alternate arrangements for Boobah that day (they look after him during the day, whilst The Dad and I work) to stay with my grandparents, so that they can attend the funeral. I also informed them that I do not want my child to go to the funeral, as I feel it is no place for children to be. Yes, he may be only 2 and a half, and no, he does not understand the concept of death yet, so it won't matter to him if he goes, but I am his mother and it matters to me.

Laura-Kim had ended her piece of writing, by asking What I would do as a parent, and my opinion is this: Unless the person who died was part of your immediate family, like a parent, grandparent or sibling, or your had an exceptional bond with a very close friend, children should not be taken to funerals. Services tend to take hours and when you're a little person, that feels even longer, and you are made to sit still for all that time. Then, as a child, when you get bored you start to fidget and get scolded at. As a parent, you are doing the scolding of your bored, fidgety child and in turn, bug the grieving people around you. Eventually, you take your child to the Mother's Room (Moederskamer) and end up missing half the service any way. And, with family like The Dad's, guaranteed, you will be remembered for disrespecting and disrupting the "event" long after the "event" has been forgotten. Thus, leave the children at home! At least until they are old enough to understand the concept of Death, and can decide for themselves whether they would like to attend a funeral or not.

 

Pay your respects, but do it respectfully.